Lovely Land

Today is a hard day for me. Not doing what I want on earth can be sometimes challenging. There is so much that I want to do and not enough stimulation to do it. I spend alone time during work Monday through Friday. I would rather be in a job where I am constantly around other people. That is my gift, talking to other people. Especially when I feel good. Not much has happened in the last month. I did quit drinking again for the second time. Im very happy about that decision. I am much more clear headed than I have been in a long time. I am going to AA after work and want to talk with other people. I dont know how people like being alone. It definitely isnt my thing at all. It makes me feel lethargic and depressed. Not many people would like the way my job is set up. In fact, in the last year 4 people have left in a department of 8. Thats half of the people that have gone. Maybe I should get a new job. Its so easy for me, but I dont know what else I would do. Plus the commute is wonderful and I get to work 2 days from home. The job is just really boring at times. Not all the time, but at times it can really be Boring! I dont like to use that word because there are so many things that I can be doing, but I dont want to do any of them from my desk. I want to be out moving around and talking to other people. I think I just have to high of expectations of how life is supposed to be. I want it to be exciting all the time and that just doesnt happen. I dont think that is very realistic, but I get stir crazy. I want things to always go my way and that rarely is ever happens. I want to come home to a large amount of people and have so much fun and laugh like there is no tomorrow. I live by myself and that is not ideally what I want. I have a boyfriend, but we live separately. Right now thats not a too big of a problem, but I think after awhile it will get old. Im not the only one that feels like this. Many people out there feel alone and unmotivated. There are a lot of lonely people and they just want a human connection. It can be hard to find good people to do that with. Actually for most people that is really hard to do. I get tired of spending so much time alone. Its just like geesh, can I get someone to witness how boring my life is. Its like when you get everything you want, you just want something else. And that is why you all need God in your life. He is the one that is supposed to fill you up. But many people wonder how that is done. How is knowing God fulfilling? Most people dont know how that works. I'll try to explain it. Its hard to think that one God can fill you up with all those holes you have. How can he fill those holes and make you feel whole. Its having an open dialogue with Him. He can feel empathy and sympathy for you and cheer you up like no one else can. Thats the beauty of God. He is one word away and always there to talk to you. You can talk to Him and listen to your thoughts after. That is a huge way to speak and interact with Him. Its sooo hard though. Its really hard for almost everyone to hear from God. He wants you to hear from Him but the energies on the earth right now make it hard for you to hear Him or feel Him. It hasnt always been like that. It used to be a lot easier to hear from God. He loves, dont you know that! He is trying His best to get you to hear from Him. In the meantime, pray for everything. I mean everything. If you want anything, ask God for it! He wants to always help you. He really does even if it might not seem like it. Without going into much detail, the earth right now is making it really hard for God to accomplish all that He wants to do. He is all powerful, but He allows free will and because He allows free will, it stops Him from doing a lot because He would have to force people to do things they dont want to do. God does ask others to help Him out, but if they say no, He usually wont force them. Some people just dont want to help others, even though they can easily. Its not always Gods fault things dont happen. Can you see that now? He wants to do everything for His followers, but is rarely ever able to do it the way He truly wants. I am going to wrap up now. I will talk more on this topic later.